Had any interesting flirtations or dates this week. Any insights. No matter where they happened - coffee shop, office, school....
Share your stories...
Highlights:
1. A really great story about "Stoppin' em in their tracks" from the UK - check it out.
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17 comments:
This is more of a flirtation story:
Another great place to meet WM is at a black musical band. In this case it was George Clinton and the P-Funk band. Last night, in Virigina, I was talking to my friends when this hot blonde guy jumps in our conversation. So the rest of the night we spent enjoying the show and one another. The only turn off was that he was a smoker. :( So because of that I didn't want to take it any farther then just hanging at the show.
Bjorkfansoph -
I think I understand what you are saying....if a white guy is into something very black oriented then he is a good candidate for someone interested in dating BW. If he has exposure and love for black culture, then....
hi Lisa congratulations starting your blog! Am v. glad you're keeping trolls out.
Great question^^^as I do have something to share in response which I hope / pray will jog some of the women reading (even just one woman!) to do something 'different' & 'better' to expand their IR dating pool and social habits.
Lately I've had so much on my plate that it's been far far easier to lurk when I can on my fave IR blogs (just reading on/off & rooting for others when things things get heated). I should be way fast asleep by now *please excuse any sp errors*
So...an 'interesting' flirtation this week: I was in starbucks(1 of 3) in notting hill area in London... I chill there regularly with a book. Today 2 WM in a corner were sitting having what seemed like intense convo as I entered & got my order. I took my beverage, sat chilling & reading, after eating my sushi> Later I saw that these 2 WM had moved outside, with the younger one smoking :-( but now both men there were in intense convo with a 3rd man, altho I couldnt see Man#3 clearly. Then the 2 initial WM moved back inside for more intense convo. By now I was mildly curious about the intensity of the ongoing wheeling & dealing. So I began to glance up once in a while at them. Then the 2 WM went back out joined Man #3 again. Then they returned inside, stood speaking intensely. WM#1 (slightly older, min age late 40s/early 50s max) was telling WM#2 to "what we'll do is..."; "chase up"; "next week" etc.etc. By now WM#1 had noticed I was watching them instead of reading the book of August Wilson plays in my hand. I was genuinely bemused by their literal ins & outs...(here's where I did something differently) I allowed myself to smile in their direction. Very unlike me...I wasn't flirting (officially anyway) *shrug* just smiling because I was watching some Hussle hotting up under my nose. As WM#1 saw me looking on bemusedly and holding eye contact with him, he looked directly at me then away, moving his mouth nearer the ear of WM#2 but I could still see his mouth. Suddenly I realised that he'd lost his train of thought, saying "ah...ahh...ahhh". Then his words flowed again. Meanwhile WM#2 ignored me, had his back to me. No matter. He was being 'mentored' so no distractions allowed, I guess. I wasnt particularly attracted to either, though WM#1 wasn't bad looking anyway. But...I was really surprised & (yes even more) bemused that I made a grown man lose his train of thought with a smile - never happened to me before as far as I know.
Still I watched them and continued to lipread/eavesdrop without pretending to do otherwise.
As both finished speaking & began to walk out again towards man #3, guess what happened? WM1 turned back directly to me, smiled and mouthed 'hi'. I mouthed hi back, and returned to August Wilson's play. I expect he went on to close 'the deal' and all 3 men left soon after.
WM#1 did have a great smile: clearly a true flirt, flowing to say 'hi' even mid-Hussle. LOL...yet he's likely to have a generous helping of good old British reserve and I the shy one elicited a +ve response. Hmmm?
Can't speak for others on the Shyness / Nerdy Scale. If I were scored over 10 (10=worst offender) I'd normally score between 9 and 11 over 10. I truly hope this motivates a BW of any age, and I'm not exactly a youth anymore. But after today's experience I'd score 3 or 4 ~LOL~ I hope to keep smiling at a few more people(men, women, children) from now on.
so there you have it...
Nottinghillchick,
Checking in from across the pond...
I absolutely LOVE that story. Great to know that you still got it and CAN USE IT whenever you want.
I have the problem of looking away when men look at me. Because, afterall it is a strange moment. But we must try to be more direct and openly flirtatious. I am proud of you that you just flowed with it!
Love the UK BTW. One of my favorite spots is the Tate Modern. I have great luck with Arabs, Indians and Asians in the UK. Not so much the WM.
Lisa
I appreciate your comments. I'm amused at your words "use it". Reminds me of a song by Cameo from waaay back, '..use it or lose it.."
Not thinking about flirting worked - I guess. While out today I smiled (shyly) at a few people (men, women). True, people don't always smile back but it mattered little to me because MOST do. Like you, I must now work on HOLDING eye contact, flirting or not.
Let's know how you get on, ok?
..................................
Tate Modern, great fun and informative. Was there last december with a group of mentors & mentees. Went on the slides - such an adrenalin megarush. Did you?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Test_Site
I mentored a teenager (from an inner city area), hopefully this outing should expand the mentees' minds.
Hey bjorkfansoph,
He was a smoker of what? I could only imagine if you all were at a George Clinton and P-Funk show!
Nottinghillchick, I loved your story!! Great example of flirting!! The power of an unexpected smile. It's great that you went back to your book, as if nothing. It makes the smile even more potent.
Flirting truly is a lost art among black women and I am glad to see sistas relearning it. :)
Hi Lisa here's my story. Not so much a flirtation one, but still, I'll share
I was at the cinema complex, leaving one of the cinemas after a movie. As I was walkng out, I happened to look in the direction of this very attractive WM (actually he was alking towards me to go to one of the cinemas). I must have slowed my pace a bit and stared, cause he started to smile.
I quickly looked away and we crossed paths, but I decided to look back to see if he was really smiling at me. Well, he was looking back as well, and gave me an even bigger smile and mouthed hi to me. I started to blush when he almost collided with another person lol. After this, he made a u-turn, came up to me and said "I hope that smile means I'm having the same effect on you that you're having on me."
After this we went our separate ways, but I must admit, it was rather nice being able to catch his attention.
Anonymous,
That is a great story. Love it.
So the next time, be prepared with something to say. I have noticed that many IR men are not even this aggressive when given the opening so if they do follow up then you better be prepared.
I am trying to get over the looking away thing. I notice that I do it alot but just because there is a shy part of me that does not like that ackward moment. It's like a knee jerk reaction.
You should be proud of yourself for actually looking back. Although, truth be told, you have nothing to lose because if he didn't look back he wouldn't have known that you were looking back.
BE BOLD!
Anonymous who posted at 8:03 pm on 9/25, what a great story!! I can't believe you let that guy get away after he gave you that opening line - how cool! Actually, I can understand your reaction because I would probably have acted the same way - I'd have been so embarrassed to have been caught staring that I would have been dumbstruck. But I'll bet you that this encounter will have given you courage - the next time a situation like that happens you'll be prepared, and who knows what might happen! Good luck.
Hi everyone. I really enjoyed reading everyone's accounts of close encounters. I have to say, I really enjoyed the post by Anonymous on 9/25. And I agree with Lisa, you should be BOLD!!
I'll relate my experience. I met my fiance 2 years ago, and like you anonymous, he made the first move. I was visiting my cousin in NY. She attends college, so usually, I would wait for her by the coffee shop near to her campus.
On one afternoon, I entered the shop and decided to get myself something to sip on while I waited for my cousin. I was standing by the counter when this cute guy came up to me. I don't usually smile, so I must have been looking quite serious. He stood near to me for a while, but I didn't think anything of it, as he was clearly waiting to get served as well. Just as I got my latte and was about to walk away, he spoke up. He said 'hi' and smiled. I was a bit surprised, and my usual response would have been to mumble a reply and walk away, but this time (and this is really the point of this long post) I decided to be bold. I smiled and looked right at him when I replied (and believe me, smiling and making eye contact with a strange, cute WM is bold for me). I think that made him relax cause he commented on pretty he thought my smile was. After that, we made small talk and I ended up waiting for my cousin with the company of this guy.
Long story short, we are now engaged to be married in December.
So, as Lisa said, be bold. You never know where that little effort on your part will lead to. At the very least, you will feel proud of yourself for doing something outside of the norm.
Genny, what a lovely romantic story! And congratulations on your engagement. Have you set a wedding date yet? Make sure to send pictures!
Thanks Sandra. We're getting married in NY Dec. 15th, but we'll also be having a reception in my hometown. I'll try to remember to post some pics online. lol
Genny, congratulations again. And don't forget to post the pics - we're gonna hold you to your promise!
This isn't really a "dating" story per se, but now that I've decided to "expand my options", I'm constantly surprised by the number of really cute appealing white men who are around - LOL! My guess is that they were always there, but by eyes are only just now open to notice them. I saw the CUTEST guy in Whole Foods this past Sunday morning (and he spoke with a french accent - I think I'm developing a thing for European men now!). And I just started working in a new location this past Monday, and in the elevators riding with men are just the most good-looking white guys! Now, I have no idea whether they're open to IR's or not, but I'd love to find out (that's one of the reasons I plan to buy some of Evia's "I love Variety" merchandise - what a hoot that will be to bump into WM's wearing/carrying the ILV merchandise too - I can't wait!
Um, if Evia's site is mostly frequented by BFs, and the logo is notably vague, how will the vast majority of WMs ("open" and "closed" to IRs), who have no idea who Evia is and what her site is about, know you're into them?
Anonymous who posted on October 20: I wondered the same thing at first, but 2 things: (1) I think there may be quite a few WM lurkers on Evia's and other IR sites and (2) we may be surprised how word will spread once people start wearing the gear. This all remains to be proven, of course, but everything has to start somewhere.
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